I Am Scared I Might Not Wake Up Alive Tomorrow Because Of My | Milaap
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I Am Scared I Might Not Wake Up Alive Tomorrow Because Of My Failing Heart

My name is Kirthika and I am 23 years old. As a child, when I used to watch children in my neighbourhood run around and shout their lungs out in excitement, sadness filled me up. I wanted to join them too, but I knew that my heart problem would never allow it. So I simply watched and swallowed my grief. Today, many years and two major surgeries later, I am still doing the same – just watching my friends getting jobs, finding their life partners and settling down in life. If only my heart was not this weak.

For my parents, I am both their greatest joy and worry

I am the youngest of three siblings – I have two elder brothers who treat me as their little princess. My parents, Rajendran and Rajakumari, love me more than their elder sons. They sent me to school and even let me complete a teacher’s training diploma, while my brothers followed in their footsteps to become daily wage labourers. They made sure that I did not engage in strenuous physical activity or pant a lot as my heart couldn’t take it. Once when I was ten years old, I didn’t listen to them, and played outside for hours at a stretch. I was gasping for breath the entire evening and it really scared them. They made me promise I wouldn’t do something so dangerous like this again. Behind my parents’ reassuring smiles, I can see pain and worry.

Heavy breathing choked my senses that day; I thought I was going to die

Two weeks before, I was preparing to study for an arrear exam when I suddenly felt breathless. It felt like all my senses were blurring and I couldn’t control what was happening to my body. Although I have on many accounts faced breathing problems because of my heart, this was a first. I blanked out and the next thing I knew was that I was admitted in the hospital. The doctors told my parents that I can only survive if a major heart surgery is performed within the next two months. Appa kept repeating the doctors said – ‘Don’t worry Kirthika, this surgery will save you.’ But from that day I have a fear that my end is coming.  

I loved reading, but even that makes me tired now

As I couldn’t be a part of normal physical activities and exercises in school, I took to reading. I cannot say that I was a particularly bright student, but I loved reading. Being lost in stories made me forget that I wasn’t ‘normal’ like others. But from the past two weeks, I am scared to even open a book – what if something bad happens? The sight of books itself is making me very tired. I have no hobbies except staring at the TV screen. But even that is not giving me joy.

I don’t have any big dreams for the future…if at all I will have one

My mother does not allow me to do even household chores these days because she thinks even that will kill me. She is left to cook, clean and take care of five members of a family, that too without help. I try to help her out with cooking, but she tells me to sit down and rest. I want to get well to help her. She has taken care of me for so long. My only wish is I stay alive long enough to fulfill my duties as her daughter.

How you can help

My parents are daily wage workers. They only make enough to provide two square meals for us. But since my birth, they have managed to take me to good hospitals by begging people to help them. I have seen the helplessness on their faces each time they ask for help. Now, it is my turn to ask for help. I need an urgent heart surgery to survive that will cost an amount that my parents cannot afford to make in their entire lifetime.

Will you help me live a normal life and help my parents?

Supporting Document

  The specifics of this case have been verified by the medical team at the concerned hospital. For any clarification on the treatment or associated costs, contact the campaign organizer or the medical team.

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