Dear Supporters,

It's been more than 5 months since my mom passed away of cancer. In my last update, I mentioned that I'd write a detailed post in a week, but I couldn't.
I've been wanting to write this post since then but I couldn't muster up the courage to rewind the events and pen it down.

It all feels like a worst dream. I still can't believe that cancer came out of nowhere and took my mom away from us. The world remains the same but it looks different. I see a huge void in my life which never can be filled. I live in a denial about the demise of my mom, whenever the thought comes I distract myself, that's the only way helping me to survive till now.  

By the way, it was mom's 51st birthday on 2nd Dec, 1967.
I decided to share some photos of my mom with you all and take you all to a lovely journey.


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My mom was always shy of posing for photos, she thought she was not photogenic, so she resisted it and kept a grumpy face in photos where she had to pose.
Due to that, I have only few photos of her and we as a family (Dad, mom, me and my brother) never taken a photo together.


My mom when she was in college. My grandfather discontinued her studies in the middle of college and she got married.
She told me that she was a school topper and was so much eager on her studies, but grandpa forced her.



My dad was totally opposite to my mom in terms of character and attitude.
He was always vibrant, jovial in the crowd. You could see he was full of smile in the marriage photos, while mom was grumpy.




Dad & Mom with my paternal grandmother.
My maternal grandmother and grandfather passed away 25 years back, so my paternal grandmother always considered my mom as her daughter.
 
 .    .  

Ah, I found a rare picture where we four are in the same frame.

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Mom with my brother.



Taken on 2005, the year my dad passed away.  Nobody warned us that our life is going to change forever.



My mom got my dad's job on compassionate grounds and she worked for 5 years, before she took medical leave.
Her office id photo.



Only photo of We three together. Taken on 2014.
 

After cancer struck,

 


I liked my dad more than my mom. I was dad's pet whereas my brother was my mom's.
After my dad passed away on 2005, I lived with my mom for 2 years. Then I moved out of her for college(4 years) and work for 5 years.

On May 2017, I shifted my family to Bangalore with me. The one year I lived with her was the best part of my life. The bonding between my mom and me deepened like never before.
And I made sure she smiled in the photos :) No more grumpy looks.




Taken on May 2018. Little we knew that this is the last picture we get to take with her.
     

                                                               

Taken on June 2018. And then she's gone forever.




I'd like to thank you all for your love, support, prayers in this journey.
I don't know what's the purpose of my life, what's the future holds for me, sometimes I even question what's there in life without my parents.

But one thing I know in my heart is that I should give back to the community. I never expected that I'd get this much love, support let alone the funds we raised.
Due to your contribution, I was able to give the best possible treatment for my mom.
I'd never forget the help you offered. I'll keep your love to my heart and spread the love, support to the needy as much as I can.
Thank you.


With love,
Kannan
Ramakrishnan (My brother).

My mom passed away last night(Wednesday) in sleep, sorrounded by our close family members. Thank you for your love, prayers and support. I shall write a detailed post in a week.

After experiencing seizures on June 3rd, my mom becomes mentally disoriented and confined to wheelchair. She lost her consciousness and can't remember where she is, day/time, difficulty in speaking, memory loss and experiencing hallucinations. Oncologist in my hometown examined her and told she's not in a condition to take any treatment for cancer.

Last week I brought her to my uncle's home in Pondicherry and she slowly stopped taking foods, fluids and complaining of body pain, loss of appetite. We consulted palliative care specialist and he's prescribed medicines for pain relief, anxiety, sleep etc, but she couldn't swallow the tablets and when we give it in liquid form, she vomits them. She feels intolerable pain everytime we lift her in bed or take her to toilet.

As her food intake reduced drastically and severe pain, we taken her to nearby hospital for supportive treatment. Now she's been given liquid foods in feeding tube put through nose and in oxygen support as her saturation level is low (due to cancer lesions in lungs, brain).

When she's awake my mom screams to remove the support (feeding/oxygen tube) and we can't pacify her as she lost her ability of understanding what we're saying. So doctors are giving her sedatives and put her to sleep all day. We're planning to keep her in hospital till her body health improves and if she starts taking food normally.

Though I'm with her always, it's been more than two weeks since I had a interaction with my mom and I doubt whether I can ever again. As much as my brother and I try to remain practical and positive, it breaks me everyday to see her in this living dead condition.

Everyday morning we wake up to the sound of her screaming in pain till her throat becomes dry, lose her energy to speak and all I could do is to hold, kiss her and say everything will be alright.

I pray to the almighty to free her from these sufferings, pain sooner by one way or another. Please keep her in your prayers.