I work in Marketing, specifically in Social Media and Digital Marketing. On the side, I do a bit of modelling and am a motivational speaker. I am also an Activist for various medical and social causes. I think today, every person needs to be a feminist to re-balance the world.
I have been sick for 16 years with 21 diseases and counting, all incurable. Some of which are Systemic Lupus Erythematosis, CNS Lupus, Vasculitis in the brain, Optic Neuritis, Toxoplasmosis causing complete blindness in one eye, Fibromyalgia, Endometriosis, Adenomyosis, Axonal, Segmental, Lateral and Peripheral Neuropathy, Mononeuropathy, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Osteopenial, Lumbar Scoliosis.
Growing up, I have been subjected to physical, emotional and sexual abuse at the hands of an alcoholic father and other several men. But somehow, I remained a chirpy girl.
As years went on, the abuses got worse as did my health. My condition at that point required me to undergo extensive treatments including chemotherapy, steroids, neurontins etc. at age 16. Becoming fat from the medications and the prolonged absences from school due to my health, led to being bullied by my classmates. Due to the sexual harassment and abuse, my self-esteem and self-confidence took a plunge.
Having all of these happen to me at the same period of time got too overwhelming and I didn’t know how to cope. I was then diagnosed with major depression and I became a self-injurer with suicidal tendencies.
I was taken to various psychiatrists, psychologists and counsellors and was given different anti-depressants, but my downward spiral continued to a point where I hit rock bottom. I then attempted suicide a few times and obviously, failed each time. I eventually got tired of failing and stopped trying.
I went into that hole probably because I couldn’t find something worth fighting for. I started to realize how I had changed as a person. I had become very weak and easily manipulated. I was affected by each word everyone said – including complete strangers. People started to define who I was.
One day, when I looked at myself, I hated what I saw. That’s the day things started to turn around. And slowly, very slowly, I got out of that hole and found the strength to fight the negative energies trying to drag me down.
Unfortunately, I've been spiralling downwards again since Jan 2019. My depression came back and so did the worsening of my physical condition.
When depressed, we start to become anti-social, and our hobbies aren’t as appealing as they used to be. We stop experiencing life and merely exist.
The most common reactions I get when in depression or in flare of any of my invisible illnesses are:
- It’s all in your head
- Snap out of it
- Get out more and make new friends
- Get over it and stop thinking about it. Etc.
March and April 2019 were a roller coaster. By May, my anxiety started affecting everyday life. My Fibromyalgia flared up and hasn’t been controllable. By end of May 2019, I was diagnosed with Osteopenia and put on complete bed rest. I tried to work from home but that was getting tough, so I had to apply for unpaid leave.
Come June 2019, the depression, anxiety, and panic attacks got worse. I attempted suicide thrice.
The childhood abuse and trauma led to a diagnosis of Dissociative Identity Disorder and severe PTSD. I've started Ketamine Therapy along with other treatments, while trying to diagnose another auto-immune disorder.
However, since I have no income coming in and am the earner in the family, I now no longer can afford my treatments.
It’s extremely difficult for me to reach out for help, more so financially. But right now, I’ve mustered all my strength to ask all of you to contribute however little you can to help me fight this and rise again.
I believe kindness and compassion have the power to heal and I’m counting on your kindness and generosity to help me heal and get back to living my life and spreading awareness.