Right after my marriage, we tried to have a baby. But my journey of motherhood did not pan out the way I expected it to. My tryst with infertility lasted a long, stressful and painful, six years. But I finally conceived, and was overjoyed. When I told my husband about the pregnancy, it was the happiest I had seen him in a long time.
We handled the pregnancy very carefully - especially when we found out that we were having twins. I rested well, took care of my health and waited patiently for the day I would see my children. Alas, that day came too soon- and brought with it a lot of pain. On January 15, this year, my twins – a girl and a boy – were born at only 26 weeks and weighed about 750 g each. It was an emergency C-section after my water broke unexpectedly that morning. I couldn’t hold or even touch my children.
They were taken away to the NICU right after birth as there were many complications. They were so tiny that they couldn’t breathe or cry properly. As a mother, I felt like a failure. The only saving grace was the fact that they were fed my expressed breastmilk, not formula.
After 20 days in the NICU, they had an emergency surgery too. I cannot imagine how my two little fighters got through it successfully. I like to think they were hoping to be reunited with me as much as I was with them. The doctor says they have to be in the NICU ventilator for a few days more before they are fit to survive outside it. But my husband and I have exhausted all that we had on the hospital bills till now. All the money that we had saved for our kids’ future has now been spent on making sure they make it out alive.
My husband has a steady job, but we have no savings left. This situation was so unexpected that we have done everything to cope with it, like taking loans and borrowing from friends, but we still are not in a good place- both financially and mentally. I saw my husband change from a patient, hopeful person to an irritable, helpless father. Only our kids’ well-being can bring back the happiness into our lives. But can we afford it? No. I hope we get help soon. If the twins don’t survive, I don’t think I will either.